D. Healthy Living · Healthy LivingHealthy Relationships: Attractions, Benefits and Degrees of Intimacy
D3.3 A1.1 A1.4 A1.6About 45 minutes
Learning goals- I can analyse the attractions and benefits of being in a healthy relationship.
- I can analyse the benefits, risks and drawbacks, for myself and others, of relationships involving different degrees of sexual intimacy.
- I can explain why many young people choose to wait.
Words to know
attraction
What draws people to each other: personality, shared interests, humour, kindness, and sometimes physical attraction.
healthy relationship
A relationship based on respect, trust, honesty, equality, good communication and the freedom to be yourself.
intimacy
Closeness between people. It can be emotional (sharing feelings) or physical (from holding hands to sexual activity).
degree of sexual intimacy
How physically close a relationship is, from holding hands and hugging to kissing, touching and sexual activity.
drawback
A disadvantage or cost of a choice.
boundary
A personal limit about what you are and aren't comfortable with.
A note before you start
This lesson is part of Ontario's human development and sexual health learning for Grade 8. Some families choose to teach these topics at home in their own way. Read it with your grown-up, and remember: any question you have is a good question to ask a trusted adult.
Why do people want to be close?
As you grow up, crushes and dating may become part of life for some people, and not for others, and both are okay. When relationships do happen, they can be great or they can be hurtful.
The Grade 8 curriculum asks you to analyse the attractions and benefits associated with being in a healthy relationship, as well as the benefits, risks, and drawbacks, for themselves and others, of relationships involving different degrees of sexual intimacy.
Remember from Grade 7
In Grade 7 you learned how puberty can change relationships, why partners need a shared understanding about delaying sexual activity and consent, and how to prevent STBBIs and pregnancy. This lesson asks you to weigh the benefits, risks and drawbacks carefully.
Attractions and benefits of a healthy relationship
People are drawn to each other by personality, kindness, humour, shared interests, values and sometimes physical attraction. A healthy relationship (a friendship or a dating relationship) can bring:
- support and someone who listens,
- fun and shared activities,
- trust and feeling accepted for who you are,
- practice in communication, compromise and caring,
- confidence and a sense of belonging.
| Degree of intimacy | Possible benefits | Possible risks and drawbacks |
|---|
| Emotional closeness, spending time together, holding hands, hugging | Affection, comfort, connection | Hurt feelings if it ends; less time with friends if the relationship takes over |
| Kissing | Expressing affection | Pressure to go further; rumours; cold sores can spread through kissing |
| Sexual touching | Physical closeness | Emotional pressure or regret; some STBBIs can spread through skin-to-skin genital contact; risk to reputation if others are told |
| Sexual activity (oral, vaginal or anal sex) | Closeness for people who are ready, in a caring adult relationship | STBBIs and pregnancy; strong emotions and possible regret; conflict with personal, family, cultural or religious values; legal issues if a partner is too old (age of consent); stress that affects school, friends and family |
Effects on others
Decisions about intimacy don't only affect you. They can affect your partner (their feelings, health and reputation), your friends (time together, rumours), and your family (worry, values). An unplanned pregnancy affects two families.
Many choose to wait
Choosing to delay sexual activity is common, healthy and respected. Most Grade 8 students have not had sexual intercourse. Delaying gives you time to grow, to understand your values, to build communication skills and to know what you want. Physical affection is never a requirement for a relationship to be close or loving, and every step is a choice that needs consent from both people every time.
Signs of a healthy relationship
- You feel safe and respected.
- You can say no without being punished, guilted or teased.
- You both keep your friends and activities.
- You talk about feelings and boundaries.
- Neither person is pressured for touch, photos or anything else.
- You feel better, not worse, about yourself.
Worked exampleLet's weigh a decision
Sam and Taylor (both 14) have been dating for two months and have kissed. Taylor's friends say it's "time to go further." Sam isn't sure. Analyse it.
- Benefits of the relationship now: they enjoy each other's company and feel supported.
- Risks of going further: emotional pressure and regret; possible STBBIs and pregnancy with sexual activity; rumours at school; conflict with Sam's family values.
- Drawbacks for others: friends may spread rumours; families might worry or be upset.
- Who's deciding? The pressure comes from Taylor's friends, not from both partners' own readiness.
- Healthy step: Sam and Taylor talk honestly. Each person's boundary is respected. Sam's "not sure" means not now.
"Not sure" means no for now. A healthy relationship respects both people's boundaries, and decisions should come from the partners' own values and readiness, not friends' pressure.
Hands-on activityRelationship qualities ranking
You need: 12 small slips of paper and a pencil.
- Write one quality on each slip: trust, honesty, humour, looks, popularity, respect, kindness, shared interests, good listener, makes me laugh, lets me be myself, supports my goals.
- Rank them from most important to least important in a healthy relationship (friendship or dating).
- Ask your grown-up to rank them too, then compare. Where do you agree? Why?
- Talk: How would you know if a relationship was moving from healthy toward unhealthy?
What to look for: reasons for rankings and recognition that respect and trust matter most. This builds relationship skills (A1.4) and reflection on emotions (A1.1).
Your turn
1Name three benefits of a healthy relationship.
Any three: support, fun, trust, acceptance, practice in communication, confidence, belonging.
2Name two things that might attract people to each other.
Any two: personality, kindness, humour, shared interests, values, physical attraction.
3Give two risks of sexual activity for young teens.
Any two: STBBIs, pregnancy, emotional regret or pressure, conflict with values, legal issues if a partner is too old, rumours and stress.
4How can a relationship decision affect others?
It can affect the partner (health, feelings, reputation), friends (time, rumours) and family (worry, values); a pregnancy affects two families.
5Name two signs of a healthy relationship.
Any two: feel safe and respected; can say no without punishment; both keep friends and activities; talk about boundaries; no pressure; feel better about yourself.
6True or false: physical affection is required for a relationship to be close.
False. Closeness can be emotional; physical affection is a choice.
More practice: warm-up
A personal limit about what you're comfortable with.
2What does "not sure" mean when someone is asked to go further?
3Name one degree of physical intimacy that has very low physical health risk.
Any one: holding hands, hugging.
4Is it common for Grade 8 students to choose to delay sexual activity?
Yes. Most Grade 8 students have not had sexual intercourse.
5Where does an abusive relationship sit on the spectrum?
At the far end: control and violence, the least respect and equality.
More practice: on your own
1Explain why each step of physical intimacy is a separate decision.
Agreeing to one thing (like kissing) isn't agreeing to anything else. Each step has different risks, and each person may have different boundaries, so each needs its own consent.
2A friend says, "If you really liked them, you'd do it." Why is this pressure unhealthy?
It ties liking someone to doing something sexual, ignoring boundaries and readiness. In a healthy relationship, caring means respecting a no.
3Give one drawback of a relationship that takes up all of someone's time.
They may lose friendships, fall behind at school or drop activities they enjoy, and become dependent on one person.
4Why might delaying sexual activity be a benefit, not just avoiding a risk?
It gives time to grow, understand your values, build communication skills and a strong emotional connection, and decide when you're truly ready.
5Name one emotional risk and one social risk of sexual intimacy for young teens.
Emotional: regret, stress, hurt if the relationship ends. Social: rumours, images or private details being shared, conflict with friends or family.
Challenge
1Compare the benefits and risks of a relationship with emotional closeness only versus one involving sexual activity, for two 14-year-olds. Consider themselves and others.
Emotional closeness: benefits of support, trust and fun; low physical risk; risks mostly hurt feelings. Sexual activity: may feel close, but adds risks of STBBIs and pregnancy, strong emotions and regret, conflict with values, rumours, and effects on families. For two 14-year-olds, emotional closeness gives the benefits with far fewer risks. A thoughtful comparison of both sides.
2Explain how the age of consent connects to the risks in this lesson.
Canada's age of consent is 16, with close-in-age exceptions for ages 12 to 15. Sexual activity with someone too much older is a crime, because it's likely to involve pressure or exploitation. The law protects young people from risks of relationships with big power differences.
3Write a respectful conversation (4 lines) where two partners talk about boundaries.
Example: A: "I really like you, and I want to talk about what we're both comfortable with." B: "Me too. I'm happy with holding hands and kissing, but I don't want to go further." A: "Thanks for telling me. I'm okay with that, and I want you to always feel you can say no." B: "Same for you. Let's keep talking." Any respectful exchange that names boundaries and respects them.
Quiz
1. Which is a benefit of a healthy relationship?
2. Which degree of intimacy carries risks of STBBIs and pregnancy?
3. Agreeing to kiss means...
4. Which is a sign of an unhealthy relationship?
5. How can a relationship decision affect others?
About this content: This lesson is part of Ontario's human development and sexual health expectations for Grade 8 (D3.3). In Ontario, parents may request that their child be exempted (opted out) of human development and sexual health instruction at school; ask your school about its process. If your family has opted out, you may skip this lesson at home too, or teach the topic in your own way and in line with your family's values. The lesson follows the Grade 8 curriculum wording, uses correct terms, and stays factual. It does not describe how to do sexual activities.
Big idea: This lesson covers the Grade 8 expectation to analyse the attractions and benefits associated with being in a healthy relationship, as well as the benefits, risks, and drawbacks, for themselves and others, of relationships involving different degrees of sexual intimacy (D3.3). It builds emotional awareness (A1.1), relationship skills (A1.4) and critical thinking (A1.6).
How to help at home:
- Share your family's values about dating and intimacy, and the reasons for them.
- Ask: "What makes a good partner?" and talk about respect and pressure.
- Make sure your child knows they can always say no, and can always come to you.
Common difficulties: believing closeness requires physical intimacy; thinking "everyone is doing it"; forgetting effects on others. If your child is in a relationship that worries you (big age gap, control, secrecy), talk calmly and seek support from the school or Kids Help Phone.