D. Healthy Living · Healthy Living

Safe and Healthy Choices: Abstinence, Contraception, Consent and the Skills to Use Them

D2.3 A1.3 A1.4 A1.5 A1.6About 45 minutes

Learning goals

I can explain abstinence, contraception, and effective, suitable protection to prevent pregnancy and STBBIs.
I can explain the concept of consent.
I can use self-awareness, communication, assertiveness and refusal skills to make safe and healthy decisions about sexual activity.

Words to know

abstinence
Choosing not to have sexual activity. It is the only 100% effective way to prevent pregnancy and STBBIs from sexual contact.

contraception
Methods that prevent pregnancy, such as condoms, the pill, the patch, the ring, the shot and IUDs.

protection
Methods that lower the risk of STBBIs (and pregnancy), such as external and internal condoms and dental dams.

consent
A clear, freely given, ongoing "yes" to a specific sexual activity, from someone who is legally and mentally able to agree. It can be taken back at any time.

assertiveness
Stating your needs and limits clearly and respectfully, without being passive or aggressive.

refusal skills
Ways to say no clearly and stick to it.

dual protection
Using a condom plus another birth control method, to lower the risk of both STBBIs and pregnancy.

A note before you start

This lesson is part of Ontario's human development and sexual health learning for Grade 8. Some families choose to teach these topics at home in their own way. Read it with your grown-up, and remember: any question you have is a good question to ask a trusted adult.

Knowing and doing

Knowing the facts is one thing. Using them, especially when you're nervous, pressured or caught up in feelings, takes skills.

The Grade 8 curriculum asks you to demonstrate an understanding of abstinence, contraception and the use of effective and suitable protection to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted and blood-borne infections, and the concept of consent, as well as the skills (e.g., self-awareness, communication, assertiveness, and refusal skills) they need to apply in order to make safe and healthy decisions about sexual activity.

Remember from Grade 7

In Grade 7 you learned about common STBBIs (chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HPV, herpes, HIV, hepatitis B and C), that many have no symptoms, that only testing tells for sure, and that HPV and hepatitis B vaccines are offered free to Grade 7 students in Ontario. This lesson reviews prevention and adds consent and skills.

Method	Prevents pregnancy?	Lowers STBBI risk?	Notes
Abstinence	Yes, 100% if no sexual contact	Yes, 100% from sexual contact	Works only if used consistently; a valid choice at any age
External or internal condom	Yes, when used correctly every time	Yes, greatly lowers risk of many STBBIs	The only method that does both; use a new one every time; check the expiry date
Hormonal methods (pill, patch, ring, shot)	Yes, very effective when used correctly	No	Prescribed by a health care provider
IUD (intrauterine device)	Yes, one of the most effective methods	No	Placed by a health care provider
Emergency contraception	Lowers the chance of pregnancy after unprotected sex; works best the sooner it's used	No	The most common type is sold at pharmacies without a prescription
Vaccines (HPV, hepatitis B)	No	Yes, for those infections	Free for Grade 7 students in Ontario school clinics

Abstinence, contraception and protection. Effective means it works; suitable means it fits the person's needs, health and values.

Dual protection

People who are sexually active often use dual protection: a condom (for STBBIs and pregnancy) plus another method (like the pill or an IUD) for extra pregnancy protection. Regular testing for STBBIs is also part of protection.

Consent: the essentials

Consent must be:

Freely given: no pressure, threats, guilt or tricks.
Clear and enthusiastic: a real "yes", not silence, "maybe" or "I guess".
Specific: yes to one thing isn't yes to everything.
Ongoing and reversible: anyone can change their mind at any time, even in the middle.
Informed and capable: a person who is drunk, high, asleep or unconscious cannot consent.

Legal facts (Department of Justice Canada): the age of consent to sexual activity is 16. A 14- or 15-year-old can consent only with a partner less than five years older; a 12- or 13-year-old only with a partner less than two years older, and only if there is no relationship of trust, authority, dependency or exploitation. A 16- or 17-year-old can't consent to sexual activity with someone in a position of trust or authority over them, or in a relationship of dependency or exploitation.

Consent is a checklist where all five must be true, every time.

Skill	What it looks like
Self-awareness	Knowing your values and boundaries ahead of time; noticing your feelings (nervous? pressured?) and what they're telling you
Communication	Talking about boundaries, consent and protection before things happen; using "I" statements: "I feel... I want... I don't want..."
Assertiveness	Clear, calm, firm and respectful: eye contact, steady voice, meaning what you say
Refusal skills	Say no clearly; repeat it; give a reason or don't; suggest something else; leave if needed; get help

Skills for safe and healthy decisions.

Refusal skills as steps: start with a clear no, and use the next step only if the pressure continues.

Worked example

Let's practise refusal skills

At a party, Alex's date says, "Come on, let's go upstairs. Everyone's doing it. Don't be boring."

Self-awareness: Alex feels uncomfortable and knows they want to wait.
Say no clearly: "No. I don't want to."
Repeat if pushed: "I said no. I'm not changing my mind."
Suggest something else: "Let's go get food with everyone."
Leave if needed: Alex goes to their friends or texts a parent with the code word.
Notice: the date's pressure ("don't be boring") is a red flag in the relationship.

Alex uses clear, repeated refusal, offers an alternative and is ready to leave. A clear no doesn't need a long explanation.

Worked example

Let's check for consent

Read each one. Is there consent? (A) "Um... I guess." (B) Someone who has been drinking a lot and is barely awake. (C) "Yes, I want to" for kissing, then later, "Actually, can we stop?" (D) Both partners clearly and happily say yes to holding hands.

A: "I guess" is not a clear, enthusiastic yes. No consent. Stop and check in.
B: a person who is very drunk or barely awake cannot consent.
C: there was consent to kissing, then it was withdrawn. The partner must stop.
D: yes, clear, freely given, specific consent.

Only D shows consent. Consent must be clear, freely given, specific, ongoing and from someone able to give it.

Hands-on activity

Assertiveness practice

You need: your grown-up and a mirror (optional).

Practise saying these three ways: passive (looking down, mumbling "I don't know..."), aggressive (yelling, insulting), and assertive (calm, eye contact, clear).

"No, I don't want to."
"I'm not comfortable with that."
"I want to wait."

Ask your grown-up which sounded most convincing and why.
Your grown-up plays someone applying non-sexual pressure ("Just try the vape, everyone does"). Use refusal skills: say no, repeat, suggest something else, leave.
Write your own two-line refusal you'd feel comfortable using.

What to look for: steady voice, clear words, no long apologies. These same skills work for any pressure (A1.4, A1.5).

Your turn

What is abstinence, and how effective is it?

Which method lowers the risk of both pregnancy and many STBBIs?

Does the birth control pill protect against STBBIs?

Name the five features of consent from this lesson.

Can someone who is drunk or asleep give consent?

Name the four skills in the curriculum for making safe and healthy decisions.

What is the age of consent in Canada?

More practice: warm-up

Is silence consent?

Can a person change their mind after saying yes?

What is dual protection?

Where can emergency contraception be bought in Canada?

Which skill is "knowing your boundaries ahead of time"?

More practice: on your own

Explain the difference between effective and suitable protection.

A 13-year-old and a 16-year-old are dating. What does Canadian law say about sexual activity between them?

Rewrite this passive response assertively: "Um, I don't really know, maybe not, sorry..."

Why should people talk about protection before a situation, not during?

Why is "yes to kissing" not "yes to everything"?

Challenge

A friend says, "My partner and I use the pill, so we're totally protected." Explain what's missing and what you would suggest.

Explain why someone who is very drunk cannot give consent, and what a respectful person does in that situation.

Write a conversation where one partner uses all four skills to tell the other they want to wait.

Check your understanding

Quiz

Which is the only 100% effective way to prevent pregnancy and STBBIs from sexual contact?

Which method lowers the risk of both pregnancy and many STBBIs?

Which is consent?

A person says yes, then later says "stop". What must happen?

Which response is assertive?

What is the age of consent to sexual activity in Canada?

Which is a refusal skill?

For parents and teachers

About this content: This lesson is part of Ontario's human development and sexual health expectations for Grade 8 (D2.3). In Ontario, parents may request that their child be exempted (opted out) of human development and sexual health instruction at school; ask your school about its process. If your family has opted out, you may skip this lesson at home too, or teach the topic in your own way and in line with your family's values. The lesson follows the Grade 8 curriculum wording, uses correct terms, and stays factual. It does not describe how to do sexual activities.

Big idea: This lesson covers the Grade 8 expectation to demonstrate an understanding of abstinence, contraception and the use of effective and suitable protection to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted and blood-borne infections, and the concept of consent, as well as the skills (e.g., self-awareness, communication, assertiveness, and refusal skills) they need to apply in order to make safe and healthy decisions about sexual activity (D2.3). It builds motivation (A1.3), communication (A1.4), self-awareness (A1.5) and decision-making (A1.6).

Facts used: Age of consent rules are from the Department of Justice Canada. The most common emergency contraceptive pill (levonorgestrel) is sold in Canadian pharmacies without a prescription. HPV and hepatitis B vaccines are offered free to Grade 7 students in Ontario.

How to help at home:

Practise refusal skills with everyday pressures (vaping, dares). The same skills apply.
Share your family's values about waiting, and also make sure your child has accurate information.
Remind your child they can always say no, change their mind, and come to you.

Common difficulties: thinking the pill protects against STBBIs; believing silence or "maybe" is consent; apologizing or explaining too much when refusing.