C. Healthy Living · Healthy Living: Choices, Connections and Well-Being

Being a Couple: How an Exclusive Romantic Relationship Affects You and Your Other Relationships

C3.5 1.3 1.4About 65 minutes

Learning goals

I can explain positive and challenging effects that an exclusive romantic relationship can have on a person.
I can explain how an exclusive relationship can affect relationships with friends, family and others.
I can describe ways to keep balance and a healthy sense of self in a relationship.
I can recognize unhealthy patterns and know how to end a relationship respectfully and cope with a breakup.

Words to know

exclusive relationship
A romantic relationship in which two people agree to date only each other.

balance
Keeping time and energy for friends, family, school, activities and yourself, not only a partner.

jealousy
A feeling of fear or insecurity about losing someone. Normal to feel sometimes; harmful when it turns into control.

controlling behaviour
Trying to decide what a partner does, who they see or what they wear. A warning sign of an unhealthy or abusive relationship.

identity
Your sense of who you are: your interests, values, friendships and goals.

breakup
The end of a romantic relationship.

A note before you start

This lesson is part of Ontario's human development and sexual health learning for Grade 10. It sticks to facts, uses correct terms and does not describe sexual activity. Read it with a trusted adult if you can. Every question is a good question to ask a parent, a doctor or nurse, or a school counsellor. If something in this lesson brings up a hard experience, reach out to Kids Help Phone (call 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868, 24/7, free and confidential) or the 9-8-8 Suicide Crisis Helpline (call or text 9-8-8, 24/7). In an emergency, call 911.

"We're official!"

Starting an exclusive relationship can be exciting: someone special to talk to, plan with and support. It also changes things: how you spend your time, how your friends see you, what your family thinks, how you feel day to day. Not everyone in Grade 10 dates, and that's completely fine too. Either way, it helps to understand these effects, for yourself and for friends.

The Grade 10 curriculum asks you to explain how being in an exclusive romantic relationship with another person may affect them and their relationships with others (C3.5).

Remember from Grade 9

In Grade 9 you practised the skills of healthy relationships: active listening, "I" messages, boundaries, respectful conflict resolution, and spotting warning signs of unhealthy and abusive relationships. Now you'll apply those skills to the specific situation of being in a couple.

Effects on you

Possible benefits: emotional support and closeness; fun and shared experiences; learning to communicate, compromise and care for someone; feeling accepted.

Possible challenges:

Time: less time for school, sports, jobs, hobbies and rest.
Strong emotions: excitement, but also worry, jealousy or insecurity.
Pressure: to move faster physically or emotionally than you want, or to post about the relationship online.
Identity: some people start to lose track of their own interests and friends.
Breakups: can be painful, especially if your whole social life was built around the relationship.

The same relationship can bring both benefits and challenges. Healthy relationships add to your life without taking it over.

A healthy relationship fits into your life. When it takes over, friends, family and activities get squeezed out.

Effects on your other relationships

Friends may feel left out, especially if plans keep getting cancelled. Friend groups can shift, and a breakup can make group events awkward.
Family may have rules or values about dating, worries about safety or school, or simply want to meet the person. Conflict can rise if dating is kept secret.
School and teams: being distracted, or a partner in the same class or team, can affect focus and group dynamics.
Online: relationship status posts, shared passwords or constant messaging can add pressure and affect privacy. Sharing passwords is not a requirement of trust.

Ways to keep balance: protect regular time for friends and activities; introduce your partner to your family; talk openly about expectations; keep your own goals; say how you're feeling using "I" messages.

Relationships sit somewhere on a spectrum. Know the signs, for yourself and for friends.

If a relationship isn't healthy

Controlling behaviour, threats, insults, pressure for sexual activity, or any physical harm are not normal. Talk to a trusted adult or school counsellor, or contact Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868, text CONNECT to 686868). If you are in danger, call 911.

Worked example

Let's analyse the effects

Since Amir (16) and Zoe (15) started dating, Amir has skipped three Friday hockey games with his friends, and his friends have stopped inviting him. Zoe's grades dropped because they video-call until 1 a.m. Zoe's parents didn't know they were dating until a cousin told them. Analyse the effects.

On Amir: less time for hockey (an activity he loves); losing his friend group's invitations.
On Zoe: less sleep and lower grades.
On friends: feel left out and stop inviting Amir.
On family: Zoe's parents feel hurt that it was kept secret; trust is affected.
Pattern: the relationship is becoming all-consuming (like the second pie chart), not necessarily abusive.

The relationship itself may be caring, but it's out of balance. Small changes can fix that.

Worked example

Let's restore balance with communication

How could Amir and Zoe use communication and relationship skills to rebalance?

Talk as a couple: "I like spending time with you, and I miss hockey. Can Fridays be my game nights?" (an "I" message)
Set a calling cut-off: done by 10:30 on school nights to protect sleep.
Reconnect with friends: Amir texts his friends: "Sorry I've been missing; I'm in for Friday."
Involve family: Zoe tells her parents and invites Amir for dinner, following her family's rules.
Check in: a few weeks later, are both happier and doing well at school?

Healthy couples support each other's friendships, goals and families.

Hands-on activity

Relationship balance check

You need: paper. This works whether or not you are dating; you can do it about a friend's situation or a TV couple.

Draw a circle for a typical week's free time. Divide it among partner, friends, family, activities, rest for the person you're thinking about.
Mark two positive effects of the relationship and two challenges.
Place the relationship on the spectrum (healthy, unhealthy, abusive) and explain why.
Write two "I" messages the person could use to keep balance.

What to look for: realistic fractions that add up to the whole circle, effects on others (not just the couple), and respectful, specific "I" messages.

Your turn

What is an exclusive relationship?

Give two possible benefits of an exclusive relationship.

Give three ways a relationship can affect a person's friendships.

How might a relationship affect a teen's family relationships?

Name two signs a relationship is unhealthy.

Name two signs a relationship is abusive.

Give two ways to keep balance in a relationship.

More practice: warm-up

Is it okay not to date in Grade 10?

Is sharing passwords required to prove trust?

Is jealousy ever normal?

Who could you talk to about a relationship worry?

What happens to activities in the "all-consuming" pie chart?

More practice: on your own

Explain how losing track of your own interests in a relationship could affect you after a breakup.

Rewrite as an "I" message: "You're always with your boyfriend. You don't care about us anymore."

A partner says, "If you go to the party without me, you obviously don't love me." Analyse it.

How can an exclusive relationship affect a sports team or class?

Give three healthy ways to cope with a breakup.

Challenge

Explain how one exclusive relationship can affect at least four other relationships, with an example of each.

How should a respectful breakup be done, and why does it matter for the people around the couple?

Your friend's partner checks her location every hour and gets angry if she talks to other people. She says, "It just shows he cares." How do you respond, and what skills do you use?

Check your understanding

Quiz

Which is a sign of a healthy exclusive relationship?

A friend keeps cancelling plans because of a new partner. This shows a relationship's effect on...

In the "all-consuming" pie chart, what fraction of free time goes to the partner?

"If you loved me you wouldn't see your friends" is...

Which is a respectful way to end a relationship?

Is it okay for a Grade 10 student not to date at all?

For parents and teachers

About this content: This lesson is part of the human development and sexual health expectations of Ontario's Grade 10 course, Healthy Active Living Education (PPL2O, 2015 curriculum). It follows the curriculum's wording, uses correct terms, stays factual and non-graphic, and does not describe how to do sexual activities. It presents waiting (abstinence) as a healthy, common choice. Families who have concerns about this part of the course can talk to the school about its policy and options. At home, you may read it together, add your family's values, or teach the topic in your own way. No humour block is included in this lesson.

Big idea: C3.5: students explain how being in an exclusive romantic relationship with another person may affect them and their relationships with others. Relationship (Living Skill 1.4) and communication skills (1.3) are applied.

How to help at home: share your family's expectations about dating calmly; invite your teen's partner to family activities; notice balance (sleep, grades, friends) rather than prying. Be a safe person to talk to after a breakup.

Common difficulties: mistaking jealousy or control for caring; feeling pressure to date. Watch for warning signs such as constant checking, isolation from friends, or fear of a partner's reaction, and get help if needed.