C. Healthy Living · Healthy Living: Choices, Connections and Well-Being

Thinking It Through: Factors That Influence Sexual Decision Making

C2.5 1.3 1.5About 70 minutes

Learning goals

I can describe personal and outside factors that influence decisions about sexual activity.
I can explain how myths, media messages and substance use can affect sexual decisions.
I can use a decision-making process to support responsible and healthy choices, including waiting.
I can communicate my limits and respect the limits of others.

Words to know

sexual decision making
The process of making choices about relationships and sexual activity, including whether, when and with whom, and how to stay healthy and safe.

abstinence
Choosing not to have sexual activity. Many teens choose to delay sexual activity; it is the only method that is 100% effective at preventing pregnancy and STIs.

limits
Personal boundaries about what you are and aren't comfortable with.

norm
What people believe is typical or expected in a group (which is often wrong when it comes to teens and sexual activity).

safer sex practices
Ways people who are sexually active lower the risk of STIs and unintended pregnancy, such as condoms, contraception and testing.

sexual health clinic
A confidential clinic, often run by the local public health unit, that offers information, testing and contraception.

A note before you start

This lesson is part of Ontario's human development and sexual health learning for Grade 10. It sticks to facts, uses correct terms and does not describe sexual activity. Read it with a trusted adult if you can. Every question is a good question to ask a parent, a doctor or nurse, or a school counsellor. If something in this lesson brings up a hard experience, reach out to Kids Help Phone (call 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868, 24/7, free and confidential) or the 9-8-8 Suicide Crisis Helpline (call or text 9-8-8, 24/7). In an emergency, call 911.

Decisions, not accidents

Decisions about sexual activity are some of the most personal choices a person makes. They affect physical health, feelings, relationships and goals. Good decisions don't happen by accident; they come from knowing your values, understanding what is influencing you, and having the words to communicate.

The Grade 10 curriculum asks you to describe factors that influence sexual decision making (e.g., personal values, having limits and being able to communicate them, being aware of and respecting the limits set by others, peer and family expectations, media messages, myths and norms related to sexual activity or safer sex practices, substance use) and to use decision-making and communication skills effectively to support choices related to responsible and healthy sexuality (C2.5).

Remember from Grade 9

In Grade 9 you learned about consent (FRIES), the age of consent laws, and thinking in advance about your own limits; and you compared methods of preventing pregnancy and STIs, including why abstinence is the only 100% effective method. This year you look at what influences decisions, and practise the process of deciding and communicating.

Your values, readiness and limits are at the centre. Outside influences push and pull, but the decision is yours.

Factors inside you

Values and beliefs: what you, your family, your culture or your faith believe about relationships and sexual activity.
Readiness: feeling emotionally ready, informed, and able to talk openly with a partner about limits, consent and protection. If you can't talk about it, that's a sign you may not be ready.
Goals: school, sports, work and future plans.
Self-esteem and self-respect: feeling confident to say what you want and don't want.
Limits: what you're comfortable with right now. Limits can change, and you can choose to wait at any time, even if you've done something before.

Factors outside you

A partner's limits and wishes. Respecting someone's limits is required, every time. Pressure, guilt or repeated asking is coercion, not consent.
Peer expectations and norms. Teens often overestimate how many of their peers are sexually active. Many Grade 10 students have not had sex, and waiting is common and healthy.
Family expectations: family values can guide decisions and be a source of support.
Media messages: movies, music, social media and other online content often show sex as frequent, without talking, without consent and without protection. That's not how healthy relationships work.
Myths about safer sex: for example, "you can't get pregnant the first time" or "you can tell if someone has an STI" (both false).
Alcohol and drugs: they impair judgment, make it harder to communicate and remember limits, and a person who is impaired cannot give consent.

Six steps for a big decision. Waiting or saying no is always an option, and you can change your mind at any point.

Responsible and healthy sexuality includes

Consent every time, from everyone involved.
Respect for your own limits and your partner's.
Honest communication, before any sexual activity.
Protection and testing for people who are sexually active (condoms, contraception, regular STI testing).
Reliable information and care: a doctor or nurse practitioner, or a sexual health clinic at your local public health unit (confidential).
The freedom to wait, say no, or change your mind.

Worked example

Let's identify the factors

Maya, 15, and Leo, 16, have been dating for three months. Leo's friends tease him that they "must be doing stuff by now". Maya's family and faith value waiting, and she wants to focus on volleyball. Leo saw a show where a couple slept together after one date and it seemed normal. Identify the factors influencing each of them.

Maya (inside): her values and family's faith, her goals (volleyball), her limits.
Leo (outside): peer expectations and teasing; a media message that makes fast sexual activity look normal.
Both: the norm they think exists ("everyone is doing it") is likely wrong.
What matters most: both partners' limits must be respected. Maya's limit is clear.

Naming the factors helps both of them see that outside pressure shouldn't decide something so personal.

Worked example

Let's communicate a decision

Using the decision path, how can Maya communicate with Leo, and how should Leo respond?

Stop and values: Maya has decided she wants to wait, based on her values and goals.
Talk at a calm time (not in the moment): "I really like you. I've decided I want to wait. That's important to me."
Leo responds with respect: "Thanks for telling me. I'm okay with that. My friends don't get a say in this."
Leo uses communication skills with friends: "What we do is our business. Drop it."
Review: Maya and Leo can check in later; either can talk to a trusted adult or doctor with questions.

Clear, calm communication and respect for limits are the core of healthy sexual decision making.

Hands-on activity

Values and limits reflection (private)

You need: a private notebook or a note on your phone. You don't need to share this.

Write three values that matter to you in relationships.
List three outside influences you notice (shows, friends, social media) and whether each matches your values.
Write two myths you've heard and look up the facts on a reliable site (your public health unit, a sexual health clinic, Kids Help Phone, Canada's sexual health resources).
Write one sentence you could use to state a limit and one to respond respectfully to someone else's limit.
Name two adults you could ask questions.

What to look for: honest reflection in your own words, facts from reliable sources, and respectful wording.

Your turn

Name three factors inside a person that influence sexual decisions.

Name three outside factors that influence sexual decisions.

Why do alcohol and drugs affect sexual decision making?

Is "everyone my age is having sex" true? Explain.

What is the only 100% effective way to prevent pregnancy and STIs?

Name the six steps of the decision path.

Where can a teen get confidential sexual health information and care in Ontario?

More practice: warm-up

Can you change your mind after deciding something about sexual activity?

True or false: You can tell if someone has an STI by looking at them.

Is pressure or repeated asking a form of consent?

Give one media message about sex that doesn't match healthy relationships.

What should happen to a partner's limits?

More practice: on your own

Explain why being unable to talk about limits and protection with a partner may be a sign of not being ready.

How can family values be a helpful factor, even if a teen doesn't agree with all of them?

A friend says, "You can't get pregnant the first time." Correct the myth and say why myths matter.

Write an assertive response to: "If you loved me, you'd do it."

Why is it better to make decisions about sexual activity before a situation rather than in the moment?

Challenge

Analyse how a social media trend that jokes about "hookups" could influence a Grade 10 student's sexual decision making, and suggest a critical response.

Use the six-step decision path to show how a student could decide whether to go to a party where there will be alcohol and a person they're interested in.

Explain how respecting others' limits is as much a part of responsible sexuality as setting your own.

Check your understanding

Quiz

Which is an inside factor in sexual decision making?

Teens often believe that more of their peers are sexually active than really are. This is an example of...

Why can't a person who is very drunk give consent?

Which statement is a myth?

Which is the best time to talk about limits with a partner?

"If you cared, you would" is an example of...

For parents and teachers

About this content: This lesson is part of the human development and sexual health expectations of Ontario's Grade 10 course, Healthy Active Living Education (PPL2O, 2015 curriculum). It follows the curriculum's wording, uses correct terms, stays factual and non-graphic, and does not describe how to do sexual activities. It presents waiting (abstinence) as a healthy, common choice. Families who have concerns about this part of the course can talk to the school about its policy and options. At home, you may read it together, add your family's values, or teach the topic in your own way. No humour block is included in this lesson.

Big idea: C2.5: students describe factors that influence sexual decision making (values, limits and communicating them, respecting others' limits, peer and family expectations, media messages, myths and norms, substance use) and use decision-making and communication skills to support responsible and healthy sexuality. Living Skills 1.3 (communication) and 1.5 (critical thinking) are practised.

How to help at home: share your family's values calmly and listen to your teen's questions; correct myths with facts; make sure your teen knows they can see a doctor or a confidential sexual health clinic. A no-questions-asked pickup plan supports safe decisions.

Common difficulties: believing false norms ("everyone is doing it"); thinking a relationship creates an obligation. The reflection activity is private.