Writing · Writing: Planning, Drafting, Revising and Publishing

Revision: Improving Content, Organization, Clarity and Style

2.6 2.7About 70 minutes

Learning goals

I can explain the difference between revising, editing and proofreading.
I can revise from the big picture down: content, organization, clarity, then style.
I can use strategies such as ARMS, reverse outlines, reading aloud and cutting wordiness.
I can ask for, give and use specific feedback to produce stronger drafts that meet the criteria.

Words to know

revision
Re-seeing a draft and improving its content, organization, clarity and style.

editing
Improving correctness and precision at the sentence level.

proofreading
The final check for surface errors such as typos, spelling and punctuation.

reverse outline
A one-line summary of each paragraph, written after drafting, to check organization.

concision
Saying something in as few words as needed, without filler.

active voice
A sentence in which the subject does the action: Volunteers flooded the rink.

feedback
Specific responses from a reader that help a writer improve a draft.

Revision is re-seeing

The word revision means seeing again. It is not the same as fixing commas. When professional writers revise, they move paragraphs, cut whole pages, rewrite their thesis and add new evidence. Many students, by contrast, "revise" by changing a few words and correcting spelling, then wonder why their mark did not change.

In this lesson you will learn to revise drafts to improve content, organization, clarity and style, in that order, using strategies your teacher models in class, and to produce stronger and more complex drafts that meet the criteria.

Remember from Grade 9

In Grade 9 you learned the ARMS strategy (Add, Remove, Move, Substitute), the reverse outline, and how to give and use feedback. Grade 10 adds an order of operations (big picture first), concision, and revising specifically to rubric criteria.

Revision versus editing versus proofreading

Revising improves what you say and how it is organized: ideas, evidence, structure, clarity, style.
Editing improves correctness and precision at the sentence level: grammar, word choice, sentence structure.
Proofreading is the final check for surface errors: typos, spelling, punctuation, formatting.

Do them in that order. There is no point perfecting the commas in a paragraph you are about to delete.

Start at the outside: is the whole piece doing its job? Then zoom in. Polishing words in a paragraph that does not support your thesis wastes time.

Revision strategies that work

Content (is it convincing and complete?)

Reread your thesis, then each paragraph. Does every paragraph prove the thesis?
Look for thin spots: claims with no evidence, evidence with no explanation. Add.
Look for padding: repeated ideas, plot summary, filler. Remove.

Organization (does it flow logically?)

Make a reverse outline: write one line summarizing each paragraph. Is the order logical? Is anything in the wrong place? Move it.
Check transitions between paragraphs (echo and turn).

Clarity (will the reader understand on the first read?)

Read aloud. Wherever you stumble, your reader will too.
Replace vague words (thing, stuff, aspect, society) with specific ones.
Make sure every this, it and they clearly refers to something.

Style (is it engaging and appropriate?)

Vary sentences (Lesson 11) and sharpen diction (Lesson 10).
Cut wordiness: due to the fact that → because; in my opinion I think → I think (or nothing); at this point in time → now; there are many students who skip breakfast → many students skip breakfast.
Prefer the active voice when the doer matters: The committee approved the plan rather than The plan was approved by the committee.

Each round of feedback and revision brings the draft closer to the criteria. Complex pieces, like a research essay, may go through several drafts.

Using feedback well

Ask specific questions when you share a draft: Is my thesis clear? Which paragraph is weakest? Where did you get lost? Specific questions get useful answers.
Give feedback kindly and specifically: one thing that works, one question, one suggestion (some classes call this praise, question, polish).
Check feedback against the criteria. Your teacher's rubric is the target. A peer's suggestion that moves you away from the criteria can be politely ignored.
Use track changes or save versions (Essay_v1, Essay_v2) so you can compare drafts and recover deleted ideas.

Worked example

Let's revise a paragraph in four passes

Draft paragraph: In this day and age, technology is a big part of society. There are many students who use phones. Phones can be good and bad. For example, it can help with research. Due to the fact that some students get distracted, they might not do as well. Phones are an important aspect of modern life.

Content pass: there is no clear claim and no specific evidence. Decide what the paragraph argues: phones help research but can harm focus, so schools should teach students to manage them. Add a specific example for each side.
Organization pass: the closing sentence (an important aspect of modern life) adds nothing. Replace it with a sentence that links back to the claim.
Clarity pass: it in sentence 4 refers to phones (plural), so it must be they. Society, aspect and good and bad are vague.
Style pass: cut In this day and age (cliché), There are many students who use → Many students use, Due to the fact that → Because.
Revised paragraph: Phones can be powerful study tools, but only for students who control them. A phone can pull up a reliable database article in seconds, which once required a trip to the library. Yet the same device delivers a steady stream of notifications, and every interruption costs time to refocus. Schools should therefore teach students to manage their phones (for example, by using focus settings during homework) rather than simply banning or ignoring them.

The revised paragraph has a clear claim, specific examples on both sides, logical transitions (Yet, therefore), no vague filler and a final sentence that adds a real conclusion.

Hands-on activity

The two-colour revision

You need: a recent piece of your own writing (at least 300 words), two coloured pens, scissors and tape (optional), and a family member.

Write a reverse outline: one line per paragraph in the margin. Is the order logical? If not, cut the paragraphs apart (or use copy and paste) and try a new order.
In colour 1, mark every claim that has no specific evidence and every quotation or fact with no explanation. Add what is missing.
In colour 2, circle wordy phrases (due to the fact that, there are... who, in my opinion I think) and vague words (thing, stuff, aspect). Rewrite them.
Read the old and new versions aloud to a family member. Ask: Which one is clearer? Where did you get lost?
Save both versions so you can compare them later for your portfolio.

What to look for: at least one change to content or order (not only word swaps), shorter and clearer sentences, and a revised version a listener can follow on the first hearing. Use scissors with care.

Just for fun

Writer's math: a first draft of 900 words, minus 200 words of padding, plus 100 words of real evidence, equals an essay that is shorter, stronger and somehow took longer to write.

Your turn

Put these in order: proofreading, revising, editing.

What does each letter of ARMS stand for?

Cut the wordiness: At this point in time, there are a lot of people who are of the opinion that the park should be bigger.

What is a reverse outline, and what does it help you check?

Change to the active voice: The fundraiser was organized by the student council.

Write a specific question to ask a peer reviewer.

More practice: warm-up

What does revision literally mean?

Which comes first: fixing commas or reorganizing paragraphs?

Replace due to the fact that.

Name one vague word to avoid.

Why save different versions of a draft?

More practice: on your own

A peer says It's good! about your essay. How can you get more useful feedback?

Revise for clarity: Ms. Ali told Jen that her essay was late.

This paragraph retells the plot for five sentences and analyzes in one. Which category of revision does it need, and what would you do?

Make concise: The reason why I chose this topic is because I am interested in it.

Your peer suggests adding a paragraph about your personal summer trip to your literary essay. The rubric focuses on analysis of the text. Should you add it? Explain.

Challenge

Revise this paragraph in all four areas (content, organization, clarity, style): Outdoor rinks are good. In my opinion I think they are good because they are free. Also people can skate. There are a lot of kids that go there. They are an important aspect of winter in Canada.

Explain why revising to criteria is different from revising to make writing sound better, with an example.

Write a short plan for revising a 1200-word research essay in three sessions over a week, saying what you will focus on in each.

Check your understanding

Quiz

Which change is revision rather than proofreading?

What is the most concise version of due to the fact that?

A reverse outline is most useful for checking:

Which sentence is in the active voice?

Which is the most useful feedback request?

Why revise the big picture before the details?

For parents and teachers

Big idea: Expectation 2.6 asks students to revise drafts to improve content, organization, clarity and style using teacher-modelled strategies, and 2.7 asks them to produce revised drafts, including increasingly complex texts, that meet criteria.

How to help: when your teen says an essay is "done," ask What did you change between the first draft and this one? If the answer is only spelling, they have edited, not revised. Be a specific reader: I got lost here. What is your main point in this paragraph? Avoid rewriting it for them.

Common difficulties: confusing revision with proofreading; reluctance to cut; vague feedback from peers; wordy filler phrases; unclear pronouns; not checking the rubric before handing in.