C. Healthy Living · Healthy Living: Informed Choices for Body, Mind and RelationshipsBuilding Healthy Relationships: Skills for Friendships, Family, Work and Dating
C2.2About 70 minutes
Learning goals- I can describe what makes social relationships (peer, school, family, work) and intimate relationships healthy.
- I can use communication skills such as active listening and "I" messages.
- I can set and respect boundaries and resolve conflicts respectfully.
- I can recognize signs of unhealthy and abusive relationships and know where to get help.
Words to know
social relationship
A connection with others such as friends, classmates, teammates, family members, co-workers or a boss.
intimate relationship
A close relationship involving emotional closeness and sometimes romantic or physical closeness, such as dating.
boundary
A limit you set about what you are and are not comfortable with, physically, emotionally or online.
active listening
Giving full attention, showing you're listening, and checking you understand before replying.
"I" message
A way to express feelings and needs without blaming: I feel... when... because... I would like...
compromise
A solution where each person gives a little to reach an agreement.
controlling behaviour
Trying to decide what another person does, wears, says or who they see. A warning sign of abuse.
A note before you start
This lesson is part of Ontario's human development and sexual health learning for Grade 9. It sticks to facts and uses the correct terms. Read it with a trusted adult if you can, and remember: any question you have is a good question to ask a parent, a doctor or nurse, or a school counsellor.
Relationships everywhere
In one week a Grade 9 student might help a friend through a breakup, work on a group project, argue with a parent about curfew, start a part-time job, and wonder about asking someone out. Every one of these is a relationship, and the same core skills make them all healthier.
The Grade 9 curriculum asks you to demonstrate an understanding of the skills and strategies needed to build healthy social relationships (e.g., peer, school, family, work) and intimate relationships (C2.2).
Remember from Grade 8
In Grade 8 you explored healthy relationships, including the benefits, the different degrees of intimacy and what to think about before making decisions. This year you'll practise the skills and strategies that build and protect healthy relationships of every kind.
| Relationship | What "healthy" looks like | A skill that helps |
|---|
| Peers and friends | Trust, loyalty, fun, honesty, room for other friends | Active listening; being inclusive |
| School (classmates, teachers) | Respectful group work; asking for help | Cooperation; assertive communication |
| Family | Respect, support, clear expectations, love through disagreements | "I" messages; compromise |
| Work (co-workers, boss, customers) | Reliability, respect, professional boundaries | Clear communication; knowing your rights |
| Intimate (dating) | Mutual respect, trust, equality, honesty, each person keeps their own friends and interests, boundaries and consent respected | Talking about feelings and limits; respecting "no" |
Core skills
1. Communication. Use "I" messages to say what you feel and need. Be assertive: honest and clear, while respecting the other person. Watch your tone and body language; online, remember tone is easy to misread.
2. Active listening. Put the phone down, make eye contact, nod, don't interrupt, then check: "So you're saying...?" People feel valued when they're heard.
3. Empathy. Try to understand how the other person feels, even if you disagree.
4. Boundaries. Know your limits and say them: "I'm not comfortable sharing my password." Respect other people's boundaries, especially when they say no.
5. Conflict resolution. Cool down first. Take turns explaining. Focus on the problem, not the person. Brainstorm solutions. Compromise where fair. Agree and follow up. Know when to get help.
6. Trust and reliability. Keep promises, admit mistakes, apologize sincerely.
Intimate relationships
Dating and romantic relationships use all the same skills, with some extra things to think about:
- Equality: both people's feelings, opinions and choices matter equally.
- Independence: each person keeps their own friends, activities and goals.
- Emotional and physical boundaries: intimacy can mean emotional closeness without any physical activity. Each person decides their own limits, and those limits are respected every time. (The next lesson goes deeper into consent and personal limits.)
- Online boundaries: no demands for passwords, location tracking, or images.
- Ending respectfully: relationships may end; it's healthy to do it honestly and kindly, and to accept a breakup without pressure or threats.
If a relationship isn't healthy
Talk to a trusted adult (parent, counsellor, teacher, coach). Call Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868). If you or someone else is in danger, call 911. If a friend is in an unhealthy relationship: listen, believe them, don't blame them, and help them connect with an adult.
Worked exampleLet's use an "I" message with a parent
Sofia's dad keeps checking her grades online every night and asking about every mark. She's frustrated. Write an "I" message and a compromise.
- Cool down first, then pick a calm time.
- I feel stressed and like I'm not trusted
- when my marks are checked every night
- because I'm trying to manage my own schoolwork.
- I would like to show you my grades every Sunday, and if a mark drops, I'll tell you first.
- Listen to his worries ("I want you to do well") and agree on a plan: weekly check-ins for a month, then review.
A calm "I" message, active listening, and a compromise with a review date respect both people's needs.
Worked exampleLet's spot early warning signs
Jamal and Riley have dated for two months. Lately Riley texts constantly, gets upset when Jamal hangs out with friends, and says, "If you really cared, you'd share your location with me." Where on the spectrum is this, and what could Jamal do?
- Constant texting and upset about friends: jealousy and pressure to spend all time together (unhealthy).
- "If you really cared...": guilt to cross a boundary (pressure).
- Location demand: a step toward control.
- Jamal can: use an assertive "I" message ("I care about you, and I also need time with my friends. I'm not going to share my location."), watch whether Riley respects it, and talk to a trusted adult.
- If the control continues or grows, it's moving toward abusive; ending the relationship and getting support is okay.
These are unhealthy signs moving toward control. Clear boundaries, a trusted adult, and noticing whether boundaries are respected are key.
Hands-on activityRelationship skills practice
You need: a family member and a timer.
- Active listening: your partner talks for 2 minutes about their day. You only listen, then summarize what they said. Switch.
- "I" messages: each write two real (small) frustrations as "I" messages using the four parts. Read them aloud.
- Boundaries: each name one boundary (e.g. "knock before entering my room") and agree how to respect it.
- Conflict resolution: pick a small family disagreement (chores, screen time) and use the steps: cool down, take turns, brainstorm three solutions, choose one, set a review date.
What to look for: accurate summaries, "I" messages with no blame words ("always", "never", "you"), and a fair agreement.
Your turn
1Name the five kinds of relationships listed in C2.2.
Peer, school, family, work and intimate relationships.
2Give three qualities of a healthy relationship.
Any three: respect, trust, honesty, good communication, equality, independence, respected boundaries, support.
3What are the four parts of an "I" message?
I feel... when... because... I would like...
4Name two signs of active listening.
Any two: eye contact, putting the phone away, nodding, not interrupting, summarizing or asking questions.
5Give two warning signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship.
Any two: jealousy, controlling who you see, checking your phone, demanding passwords or location, put-downs, threats, pressure for sexual activity, physical harm.
6What is a boundary? Give an example.
A limit about what you're comfortable with. Example: "I don't share my passwords," or "I need time with my friends on weekends."
More practice: warm-up
1Should both people in a relationship keep their own friends?
Yes. Independence is healthy.
A solution where each person gives a little.
3Is "You always ruin everything" an "I" message?
No. It's a blaming "you" message.
4What should you do first in a conflict?
5Is emotional closeness possible without physical activity?
More practice: on your own
1Rewrite as an "I" message: "You never listen to me!"
Example: "I feel ignored when I'm talking and you're on your phone, because it seems like what I say doesn't matter. I would like us to put phones away when we talk."
2Your manager at a part-time job asks you to stay late every shift without notice. Which skills help, and what could you say?
Assertive communication and boundaries: "I'm happy to help sometimes, but I need to know a day ahead because of homework and family plans." You can also ask a parent about your rights as a young worker (e.g. Ontario's Employment Standards).
3Why is jealousy sometimes treated as a warning sign rather than a sign of love?
Occasional jealous feelings are normal, but acting on jealousy, like checking phones or limiting friends, is about control, not care. Healthy love includes trust.
4Explain how empathy helps resolve conflict with a sibling.
Understanding how your sibling feels (e.g. left out, stressed) lowers anger, helps you see the real problem, and makes a fair solution easier to find.
5A friend's partner keeps putting her down "as a joke." How can you help?
Tell her privately what you've noticed and that you care; listen without judging; don't blame her; remind her she deserves respect; encourage her to talk to a trusted adult or Kids Help Phone; tell an adult if you think she's unsafe.
Challenge
1Compare the skills needed in a work relationship and an intimate relationship. What's the same, and what's different?
Same: respect, honesty, clear communication, boundaries, reliability, conflict resolution. Different: work relationships have professional boundaries and a power difference (a boss), so communication is more formal and rights are protected by employment law; intimate relationships involve emotional (and sometimes physical) closeness, so personal limits, consent and equality are central.
2Create a five-step plan for a respectful breakup and explain why each step matters.
- Decide clearly and plan what to say (honesty). 2) Tell them in person or by a call if safe, not through a friend (respect). 3) Use "I" messages ("I've realized I want different things") instead of blame (dignity). 4) Listen but stay firm (boundaries). 5) Give space afterward; no posting about it (privacy). Safety exception: if the person is controlling or abusive, end it in a safe way (by text or with an adult nearby) and tell a trusted adult.
3Explain how the skills in this lesson help prevent relationships from moving along the spectrum toward abuse.
Clear boundaries and assertive communication make expectations known early; active listening and empathy reduce conflict; conflict resolution handles disagreements without power struggles; recognizing warning signs lets people act before control grows; and getting support from trusted adults stops isolation. Skills build healthy patterns, but if one person chooses to abuse, it is never the other person's fault.
Quiz
2. Which is a sign of a healthy relationship?
3. Active listening includes...
4. Which is a warning sign of an abusive relationship?
5. What should you do first in a conflict?
About this content: This lesson is part of the human development and sexual health expectations of Ontario's Grade 9 course, Healthy Active Living Education (PPL1O, 2015 curriculum). It follows the curriculum's wording, uses correct terms and stays factual; it does not describe how to do sexual activities. Families who have concerns about this part of the course can talk to the school about its policy and options. At home, you may choose to read it together, add your family's values, or teach the topic in your own way.
Big idea: C2.2: demonstrate an understanding of the skills and strategies needed to build healthy social relationships (e.g., peer, school, family, work) and intimate relationships. The lesson focuses on communication, boundaries and recognizing unhealthy and abusive behaviour. No humour block is included.
How to help at home:
- Practise "I" messages yourself during family disagreements; teens learn most by example.
- Talk about relationships in shows you watch together: "Is that healthy? Where is that on the spectrum?"
- If your teen starts dating, keep communication open and share your family's expectations.
- Know the warning signs of dating violence (jealousy, control, isolation, a sudden drop in time with friends).
Common difficulties: confusing jealousy or control with love; writing "I" messages that still blame ("I feel like you're a jerk"); thinking conflict means a relationship is unhealthy (respectful conflict is normal).