D. Healthy Living · Healthy Living

Respect, Consent and Communication: Delaying Sexual Activity

D1.3 A1.1 A1.4 A1.5 A1.6About 45 minutes

Learning goals

I can explain why it is important for partners to have a shared understanding about delaying sexual activity until they are older.
I can give reasons a person may choose not to engage in sexual activity.
I can explain consent, the legal age of consent in Canada, and how consent is communicated.

Words to know

abstinence (abstaining)
Choosing not to do something. In sexual health, choosing not to have sexual activity.

delaying
Choosing to wait until later, for example until you are older.

sexual activity
Activities that involve sexual touching or contact. The curriculum's examples include genital contact, vaginal or anal intercourse, and oral-genital contact.

consent
A clear, freely given, enthusiastic yes to an activity. It can be taken back at any time.

age of consent
The age at which the law says a person can agree to sexual activity. In Canada, it is 16, with some close-in-age exceptions.

shared understanding
When both people in a relationship know and respect each other's feelings, limits and decisions because they have talked about them.

boundary
A limit a person sets about what they are and are not comfortable with.

A note before you start

This lesson is part of Ontario's human development and sexual health learning for Grade 7. Some families choose to teach these topics at home in their own way. Read it with your grown-up, and remember: any question you have is a good question to ask a trusted adult.

Talking before acting

In a healthy relationship, important decisions aren't guessed. They're talked about. The Grade 7 curriculum asks you to explain why partners need a shared understanding about:

delaying sexual activity until they are older,
the reasons for not engaging in sexual activity,
consent, the legal age of consent, and how consent is communicated,
and the need to communicate clearly when making decisions about sexual activity in a healthy, loving relationship.

Remember from Grade 6

You learned that consent means asking and respecting the answer, in everyday things like hugs, photos and sharing belongings. You learned that silence is not a yes. This year you'll apply consent to relationships, and learn what Canadian law says.

Delaying sexual activity

The curriculum names some choices a person can make to delay sexual activity until they are older: choosing to abstain from any genital contact; choosing to abstain from vaginal or anal intercourse; and choosing to abstain from oral-genital contact.

Many young people choose to wait. Abstinence is the only 100% sure way to prevent STBBIs and pregnancy from sexual activity. And delaying gives people time to grow, to understand their feelings, and to be ready for the responsibilities that come with sexual relationships.

Reasons a person may choose not to engage in sexual activity include:

not feeling ready emotionally or physically;
personal, family, cultural or religious values;
wanting to wait for a certain kind of relationship (or for marriage);
avoiding STBBIs and pregnancy;
being under the legal age of consent;
focusing on school, sports, friends and other goals;
simply not wanting to. That's reason enough.

Consent is...	What it means
Clear	A definite yes, in words or clear actions. Silence, a shrug or "I guess" is not consent.
Freely given	No pressure, guilt, threats, tricks or bribes.
Enthusiastic	The person really wants to, and isn't just going along.
Ongoing	It's needed every time and for each activity. Yes to one thing is not yes to everything.
Can be taken back	Anyone can change their mind at any time, and the other person must stop.
Only possible when able	A person who is asleep, unconscious, or very affected by alcohol or drugs cannot consent.

What consent means.

Only a clear, freely given yes is consent. Unsure, silent or no all mean stop. And anyone can change a yes to a no at any time.

What the law says (Canada)

The age of consent to sexual activity in Canada is 16. The law has some close-in-age exceptions for young teens:

12 and 13-year-olds can consent to sexual activity only with a partner who is less than two years older.
14 and 15-year-olds can consent only with a partner who is less than five years older.
Children under 12 cannot consent to sexual activity.
16 and 17-year-olds cannot consent to sexual activity with someone in a position of trust or authority over them (like a teacher or coach), someone they depend on, or in a relationship that is exploitative.

All of these exceptions only apply when there is no trust, authority, dependency or exploitation. These laws exist to protect young people from being taken advantage of by older people. (Source: Department of Justice Canada.)

Even when something is legal, it may not be the right choice. Law sets the minimum; respect and readiness matter too.

A summary of the close-in-age rules from the lesson (source: Department of Justice Canada). These laws exist to protect young people from being taken advantage of.

How consent is communicated

Ask: "Is this okay?" "Do you want to?"
Listen to the words and watch body language. Pulling away, going quiet or looking uncomfortable means stop and check in.
Say your own limits clearly: "I'm not ready for that." "I want to wait."
Respect a no (or a "not sure") without sulking, guilt or pressure.
Check in again as things change. Consent is a conversation, not a one-time question.

Worked example

Let's build a shared understanding

Ella and Kofi, both 13, have been going out for a few weeks. Ella's friends keep asking if they've "done anything". Ella feels unsure and wants to wait.

Ella knows her own boundary (A1.5): she wants to delay sexual activity.
She communicates clearly: "I really like you, and I want to take things slow. I'm not ready for anything sexual."
Kofi responds with respect: "That's fine. I'm not in a rush either. Thanks for telling me."
Result: they have a shared understanding. Neither has to guess or feel pressured, and both can ignore the gossip.

Talking openly about delaying protects both people and makes the relationship stronger.

Worked example

Let's spot whether there's consent

For each, decide: consent or not consent? (A) "Um... I don't know." (B) Someone agreed earlier but now says, "Actually, I want to stop." (C) Someone says yes after being told, "If you loved me, you would." (D) Someone says, "Yes, I want to," clearly and happily, and their body language matches.

A: Not consent. Unsure is not yes.
B: Not consent anymore. Consent can be taken back at any time; the other person must stop.
C: Not consent. The yes came from pressure and guilt, so it was not freely given.
D: This is a clear, freely given, enthusiastic yes. (For sexual activity, the law on age of consent must also be followed.)

Only D shows consent. When in doubt, the answer is no.

Hands-on activity

Boundaries and refusal practice

You need: a family member, and a quiet space.

Write three refusal statements in your own words, for example: "No, I'm not ready." "I want to wait." "Stop. I said no."
Practise saying them with an assertive voice: calm, firm, eye contact.
Your grown-up plays a friend who keeps pushing ("Come on, everyone does it"). Practise repeating your refusal and walking away. (Keep it non-sexual if you prefer, for example pressure to try vaping or skip class. The skill is the same.)
Then switch: your grown-up says no, and you practise accepting it respectfully: "Okay, thanks for telling me."
Talk together about your family's values on dating and relationships.

What to look for: a firm, calm no; repeating it without arguing; and accepting someone else's no without pressure.

Your turn

What does abstinence mean in sexual health?

Give three reasons a person may choose not to engage in sexual activity.

What is the general age of consent in Canada?

Name four features of consent.

Is silence consent?

Why does a couple need a shared understanding about delaying sexual activity?

What is the only 100% sure way to prevent STBBIs and pregnancy from sexual activity?

More practice: warm-up

True or false: once someone says yes, they can't change their mind.

True or false: a person who is very drunk can give consent.

Consent or not: "I guess, if you really want to."

Give one way to ask for consent.

Is "not wanting to" a good enough reason to say no?

More practice: on your own

Explain the close-in-age exception for 12 and 13-year-olds.

Why can't a 16-year-old consent to sexual activity with their coach?

Why do you think Canada has laws about the age of consent?

Give an example of body language that means "stop and check in".

Someone says, "If you really liked me, you would." Name what's wrong and give a response.

Challenge

Explain why "legal" and "right for me" are not the same when it comes to sexual activity.

A friend says, "We've been dating for a year, so consent isn't needed anymore." Respond.

Write a short conversation in which two people in a relationship reach a shared understanding about delaying sexual activity. Use at least one "I" statement and show respect.

Check your understanding

Quiz

What is the general age of consent to sexual activity in Canada?

Which is consent?

Can consent be taken back?

A 13-year-old can consent to sexual activity only with a partner who is...

Which is a reason someone might choose to delay sexual activity?

What is the only 100% sure way to avoid STBBIs and pregnancy from sexual activity?

Why is a shared understanding important?

For parents and teachers

About this content: This lesson is part of Ontario's human development and sexual health expectations for Grade 7 (D1.3, D1.4, D1.5, D2.4 and D3.3). In Ontario, parents may request that their child be exempted (opted out) of human development and sexual health instruction at school; ask your school about its process. If your family has opted out, you may skip this lesson at home too, or teach the topic in your own way and in line with your family's values. The lesson follows the Grade 7 curriculum wording, uses correct terms, and stays factual. It does not describe how to do sexual activities.

Big idea: This lesson covers the Grade 7 expectation to explain the importance of having a shared understanding with a partner about delaying sexual activity until they are older (for example, choosing to abstain from any genital contact; choosing to abstain from vaginal or anal intercourse; choosing to abstain from oral-genital contact); the reasons for not engaging in sexual activity; the concept of consent, the legal age of consent, and how consent is communicated; and, in general, the need to communicate clearly with each other when making decisions about sexual activity in a healthy, loving relationship (D1.3). It builds emotional skills (A1.1), relationship skills (A1.4), identity (A1.5) and decision making (A1.6).

Facts used: The legal information comes from the Department of Justice Canada: age of consent 16; close-in-age exceptions (12-13: partner less than 2 years older; 14-15: less than 5 years older), only where there is no trust, authority, dependency or exploitation; 16-17-year-olds cannot consent with someone in a position of trust or authority, someone they depend on, or in an exploitative relationship.

How to help at home:

Share your family's values about relationships and waiting, and the reasons behind them.
Practise refusal skills with everyday pressures (vaping, skipping class); the skills transfer.
Model consent: ask before hugs, respect your child's no to physical affection.

Common difficulties: thinking silence or a past yes counts as consent; believing a long relationship removes the need to ask; mixing up "legal" and "ready".