B. Foundations of Language · Foundations: Grammar, Sentences and Punctuation

Clear and Concise: Cutting Wordiness and Fixing Sentence Boundaries

B3.1 B3.3 A3.1About 40 minutes

Learning goals

I can find and cut redundant and empty words.
I can turn wordy noun phrases into strong verbs.
I can split overloaded sentences and fix run-ons and comma splices.
I can revise a paragraph so it says the same thing in fewer, clearer words.

Words to know

concise
Saying something clearly in as few words as needed, without losing meaning.

redundancy
Saying the same thing twice: past history, free gift, completely finished.

wordiness
Using more words than needed: due to the fact that instead of because.

nominalization
A verb turned into a noun, often making a sentence wordy: make a decision instead of decide.

comma splice
Two independent clauses joined with only a comma: It was late, we went home.

run-on sentence
Two or more independent clauses joined with no punctuation or joining word.

Say it shorter

Compare these:

At this point in time, it is my personal opinion that we should make a decision about the matter of the field trip. (23 words)
I think we should decide about the field trip now. (10 words)

The second sentence says the same thing in less than half the words. It is easier to read and sounds more confident.

Being concise doesn't mean writing only short sentences. A long sentence can be concise if every word does a job. Concise means no wasted words.

Each wordy chunk (yellow) shrinks to a short one (green), and the matter of disappears completely. Same meaning, less than half the words.

Four kinds of wasted words

1. Redundancy: saying the same thing twice. Past history (all history is past), free gift, final outcome, each and every, repeat again.

2. Wordy phrases: long phrases with short replacements (see the table).

3. Empty openers: There is / There are / It is often hide the real subject.

There are many students who walk to school. → Many students walk to school.

4. Buried verbs (nominalizations): the action hides inside a noun.

The committee made a decision to give an explanation. → The committee decided to explain.

Wordy	Concise
due to the fact that	because
in order to	to
at this point in time	now
in the event that	if
has the ability to	can
the reason why is because	because
make a decision	decide
conduct an investigation	investigate
very big	huge (or enormous)
completely finished	finished

Common wordy phrases and shorter replacements.

Fix the boundaries too

Clear writing also means each sentence has the right boundaries. Remember from Grade 5 and Grade 7:

A run-on jams independent clauses together with nothing between them: The ferry was late we missed our connection.
A comma splice joins them with only a comma: The ferry was late, we missed our connection.

Four fixes:

Period: The ferry was late. We missed our connection.
Comma + joining word: The ferry was late, so we missed our connection.
Semicolon: The ferry was late; we missed our connection.
Subordinate one idea: Because the ferry was late, we missed our connection.

The opposite problem is an overloaded sentence: one that strings five or six ideas together with and... and... and. Split it, or subordinate some ideas.

One comma splice, four correct fixes. Choose the one that shows the relationship best: fix 4 says the late ferry caused the problem.

Worked example

Let's cut a wordy sentence

Make concise: Due to the fact that it was raining, there were a lot of people who decided to stay inside in order to keep dry.

Due to the fact that → Because.
there were a lot of people who decided to stay inside → many people stayed inside (empty opener removed; decided to isn't needed).
in order to keep dry → to keep dry. (Or cut it: why else would people stay in during rain?)

Because it was raining, many people stayed inside. (From 24 words to 8.)

Worked example

Let's fix an overloaded sentence

Revise: We went to the science centre and we saw a planetarium show and it was about the solar system and then we had lunch and the bus was late so we got back after the bell.

Count the ideas: science centre, planetarium show, solar system topic, lunch, late bus, got back late. Too many joined with and.
Group related ideas. The show and its topic belong together: a planetarium show about the solar system.
The late bus is the cause of getting back late, so subordinate it: Because the bus was late.
Split into two or three sentences.

At the science centre, we watched a planetarium show about the solar system. After lunch, we waited for the bus, which was late, so we got back after the bell.

Across your subjects

Science lab reports and history answers reward concise writing. The purpose of this experiment is to find out if... can become This experiment tests whether... Teachers often give word limits; cutting wordiness lets you fit in more ideas, not fewer.

Just for fun

Why was the wordy sentence late for practice?

Due to the fact that it was at this point in time in the process of making a decision to leave. (Translation: it left late.)

Hands-on activity

Word budget challenge

You need: a flyer, junk mail or a long email or newsletter from home (with a grown-up's permission), a pencil, and a highlighter if you have one.

Pick one paragraph. Count its words and write the number at the top.
Highlight every redundant phrase, wordy phrase, empty opener and buried verb you can find.
Rewrite the paragraph. Your budget is about two thirds of the original number of words. (60 words → about 40.)
Check: did you keep every important fact? Read both versions aloud to a family member and ask which is clearer.

What to look for: the rewrite keeps all the key information (dates, places, prices) and removes padding.

Your turn

Cut the redundancy: The final outcome was a tie.

Make concise: She has the ability to speak three languages.

Remove the empty opener: There are three reasons that explain why recycling matters.

Free the buried verb: The class conducted an investigation of the pond.

Fix the comma splice two ways: The game was cancelled, the field was flooded.

Fix the run-on: I forgot my mitts my hands froze.

Make concise: The reason why I was late is because I missed the bus.

More practice: warm-up

What is redundant in free gift?

Shorter word for in the event that?

Shorter phrase for in order to?

Verb hidden in make a decision?

Comma splice or correct? It snowed, so we built a fort.

More practice: on your own

Make concise: At this point in time, we are currently in the process of planning the dance.

Revise: It is important for all of us to make an effort to reduce the amount of waste that we produce.

Fix and improve: The arena was cold, everyone wore toques, the game was still fun.

Is this sentence wordy? The tall, quiet student who sat at the back of the room raised her hand. Explain.

Cut at least four words without losing meaning: Each and every student should bring a pencil with them to the test.

Challenge

Revise this 27-word sentence to 15 words or fewer: There are many people in our community who are of the opinion that the park should be made bigger due to the fact that it is crowded.

A student writes: This experiment was conducted for the purpose of determining whether salt has an effect on the freezing point of water. Rewrite it as a concise first sentence for a lab report.

When might a writer choose to repeat words on purpose? Give an example.

Check your understanding

Quiz

Which phrase is redundant?

Which is the most concise version?

Which sentence is a comma splice?

Which revision frees the buried verb in They gave an explanation of the rules?

What is wrong with There are many students who play soccer?

Which statement about concise writing is true?

For parents and teachers

What this lesson is about: trimming padding (redundancy, wordy phrases, empty openers, buried verbs) and making sure sentence boundaries are correct. This supports every subject where students write answers and reports.

How to help at home:

Play "word budget" with any text: a message to a relative, a list of instructions, a paragraph of homework.
When your child says the reason why is because, gently model the reason is that or just because.

Common difficulties:

Thinking concise means short: students sometimes cut useful details. Check that every key fact survives.
Students may pad writing to reach a length requirement. Encourage adding ideas and evidence instead of filler words.
Comma splices often appear with words like then and however (We ate, then we left.). Add and (We ate, and then we left.) or start a new sentence.